a birth story

every mother has one.  when you are pregnant, you hear a lot of them.  most of them you wish you hadn't.  something about the day your child entered the world is not only incredibly memorable, but also very bonding. 

here i sit, watching my beautiful baby girl sleep, trying to find the perfect words to describe the best day of my life so far.  i know words can never do it justice.  i also know there are certain parts of that night i would like to forget.  but here is my attempt to tell the story and all the details that just won't remember themselves.  this is for you evelyn emma.

i’m not sure where to begin this story.  i could start at 35 weeks when i found out i was dilated to a three and you were very low inside of me, which made dad and i realize we better prepare ourselves “just in case”.  or i could fast forward several weeks, through many ultrasounds and nst’s that were done because of your small size but thankfully all came back normal, to december thirty first.  i woke up that morning feeling perfectly fine.  i took a belly pic for my 39 week shot {above} before hopping out of bed, wondering if it would be the last one.  even though i wasn’t haven’t any contractions, i had that odd feeling that i would be meeting you very soon.  we were counting down the hours, hoping we could hold off until 2014.  at 2:30 in the afternoon, i decided to write a blog post about your nursery.  all of a sudden i had an overwhelming urge to pick up the entire house.  ten minutes into it, i felt my water start to break.  i rushed to the toilet and yelled for dad-this was it!  we had found out the day prior that i was dilated to a five and fully effaced, so we were instructed to head straight to the hospital at any signs of labor.  your dad was right on cue, running around the house gathering all our bags and making sure we had everything on our "don't forget" list we had created weeks prior.

we made it to the hospital at 3:45.  i was a little concerned they would send me home since i wasn’t having contractions yet, but it turns out when your water breaks they not only admit you, they also require you to be wheeled up to labor and delivery.  i guess that was probably a good thing being as my water hadn’t completely broke and i was leaving a river everywhere i went.  we went into the triage room to make sure it was actually my waters {i promise that puddle i left on the floor is not pee!}. we were admitted right away where they told me i was dilated to a six.  i was pretty proud that i had made it to six without feeling a single contraction…only four little centimeters to go.  at this point we were pretty convinced we were going to have a 2013 baby, but we proceeded to get labor moving anyway.  we walked, we sat on the birthing ball, we soaked in the tub, waiting for the doctor to swing by and check me again.  several hours later she arrived and told me i was dilated to a…six.  so we walked and bounced and soaked some more.  just when i thought i wasn’t going anywhere, we made it to a seven.  at this point, the contractions were noticeable but not painful like i had anticipated.  i remember hearing about long labors and thinking how it must have felt like forever.  but the clock seemed to be moving at warp speed and it was nearly midnight already. we decided to watch the ball drop, share the first kiss of the year, and head for the tub again.  

somewhere around 12:30, i thought it would be a good idea to switch positions and try some of the things i had read about in my 1980’s active birth book.  the book was graphic and a little over the top, but obviously knew what it was talking about because as soon as i got into a different position, i felt something pop and the worse possible pain came over me.  i was convinced it was go time.  i quickly got back into bed and suffered through a contraction so my nurse could check me.  i was still at a seven.  an hour of contractions passed.  i squeezed your dad’s hand, gave the death grip to the bedrail, bit my finger until it was numb, and completely forgot every breathing and relaxation technique i had ever learned.  as much as i desired a completely natural birth, i told dad that if i was still at a seven the next time i was checked, i would be getting an epidural.  the nurse must have sensed my desperation, because she arrived on cue to check me again.  i prayed for an eight; she told me it was time to push.  i wanted to kiss her.  the first contraction was a learning curve.  she told me how to do it better and encouraged me to keep pushing while they paged the doctor.  i must have learned quickly because after three contractions, you started to crown and i was instructed to “not push so hard” until the doctor arrived.  apparently the nurse wasn’t too keen on delivering any babies that night.  i wasn’t sure if i cared.  but i held back for what seemed like forever {but was only about five minutes} until the doctor rushed in the room and got right to business.  several pushes later, i was overwhelmed by this burning sense of relief as i pushed your little head out.  your body quickly followed along with the most beautiful words, “you did it, it’s a perfect little girl!”.  

as i met you for the first time, i was flooded with so many emotions.  it seemed so surreal that this little person looking up at me was mine.  that it was the same person i had felt inside of me for nine months.  the one i had prayed for and about over and over again.  the one that i constantly wondered about. the one i was convinced was a girl.  in that moment, in the early hours of the morning, in the beginning of a brand new year, i looked you in the eyes and completely fell in love.

we were so blessed by all the family and friends that came to meet evelyn after her birth and shower her with love and girly things.

she only weighed five pounds eleven ounces when we left the hopsital.  unfortunately, that meant the newborn outfit i had carefully selected was a tad too big.  

she didn't seem to mind, we were all just happy to be heading to our home for the first time.

as i sit here writing this two weeks later, i know i would do it all over again a million times for this precious little life we have been entrusted with.  i couldn't be happier and more grateful.  we love you so much evie and can't wait to experience this life with you!